I'm going to tell you a secret.

Well, no, several secrets.

1) It's not really July 1st, 2018. I'm just planning ahead.

2) I have no idea what I'm doing.

3) I don't know who that woman in the pic is, or whether she's facing the camera or the sea. If it were me, I'd be trying to face the camera and all my hair would be blowing into my face and I'd look like a mop in a dress. Sort of like she does, actually. Well. That's awkward.

4) Is the definition of "several" two or more, or less than five? I can't remember.

5) Crap. Now I need to go look up the definition of "several".

6) sev·er·al
ˈsev(ə)rəl/
determiner & pronoun

1. more than two but not many.
"the author of several books"

synonyms: some, a number of, a few; More

I'd better stop there. Phew. You know, the experts say that the best blog posts consist of lists.

In this case, I believe, the experts are wrong.

I've written many blog posts before. Few of them have been read. I'm determined to turn that around. Hear that, Universe? I'm going to have many readers and fans, and I will be a writing success story that everyone envies AND I will be able to afford to make all my dreams come true AND show up those naysayers who said I was just wasting my time. So there. I wrote down my dreams, so make them come true. (Yeah, I'm a little belligerent with the Universe. Because really, why not? It's never listened before, so there's little chance it will listen now. Bitter much? Anyway, I digress.)

Here's a list of things I need to make my writing dreams a reality.

1) I need a street team. The experts talk about those, too. A street team is a group of "trusted people" who spread the word about your stuff. Because word of mouth is the best sales tool going.

Let me put words in your mouth. Marnie Blue writes funny. No, wait. That doesn't sound right. Okay. It's not like I'm writing upside down or underwater or anything--although that would be cool, and also odd. But not funny. What I mean is, Marnie Blue (that's me, by the way) writes in a humorous and unexpected style which should make you laugh.

That's SO not funny.

Anyhow, I've visualize a street team of about ten to twenty trusted individuals who will read my books (and stuff) and tell everyone they know about them. My street team will be called "The Snarkateers" and they will have cool prizes, t-shirts, chocolate and other fun freebies (that I can afford to give them because they're doing such an awesome job spreading the word about my books. See how this works?) Plus, when I get to be one of those NYT Bestselling authors who has a deep and solid and true fanbase, they get to say they're one of my friends. Which is cool at parties. (Well...it could be.) Imagine how it would be if you could tell people you were friends with--say--Stephen King. (I'm aiming high here, Universe. Are you paying attention?)

2) I need to write lots more books.

So here I am, writing a blog post. Sigh. Well, see? That's why I'm planning ahead and scheduling. It's got to be done. I'm hoping if I get enough of these puppies written ahead of time (when the Muse strikes, perhaps, the fickle witch), I won't have to stress about it.

Anyhow--more books. Okay. I've got about ten books written, BUT they were ghostwritten. I can't even find them. OR, I wrote them, did what I could with them, then sold them for a chunk of money. Yeah...I'm mercenary that way. Sad to say, but books are products. Art schmart. Toss all that "My books are my babies" hoohah out. I'm getting into the trenches and writing like Louisa May Alcott or Jack London or even, Dickens. They wrote not for the art of it, but to earn a living. And so will I.

3) I need to create a newsletter.

Oh, for $%!#''s sake, how the $@#! can I write more books (lots more books) if I need to blog AND create a newsletter?!

Because (Universe) when my books sell and all my success dreams come true, I can hire an assistant to do it for me. (Yay!) But for now, I guess, I'll do it myself. Create a newsletter. It's called Snarkasm and it will come out four times a year. Because really, how much crap do you want in your inbox? Unless it offers freebies--which it does. If you'd like to subscribe, go here.

4) Um...I can't think of a fourth thing to put on a list. I guess I just need to be consistent. Reach out, maintain a presence in the social media platform, meet and greet my readers, and recruit more readers. Oh, and one other thing...because I've gone to two different graduation ceremonies this week alone: I need to enjoy the journey. (Insert snort of disgusted laughter here.) It's not a journey, it's a slog. Well...I've got my muck boots on and I'm ready to start journey-ing.

But first, I think, I'll go take a nap. Because really...it's not July, yet.

Why?

Marnie Blue

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